IFoundTheReason

I had a dream last night

2010-12-22T09:31:00.000+03:00

In the dream I had to leave a house – I think it was my sister’s house – that was in a neighborhood with hundreds of similar houses. I had to go to the shop that was pointed out to me and buy some milk, bread and something else that I don’t recall….then I had to get back to the house – without getting lost!
I got lost. Not only could I not find my way back, but I went in circles and circles until I could not even get my bearings. I managed to meet my mother and some of my siblings while I was getting lost…and they had no clue either on where the house was. Weird.

So I stopped and started reviewing what I was doing. I had a slip on my hand that clearly showed the house was number 101. I had passed all possible numbers and could not tell where this particular house was.

So I got up and started thinking of what I could do differently to get to the house. And it hit me that the dream was a little like my like my life right now. I really need to get back in control but I am spending a lot of time running around in circles. So what do I need to do to get back? The analogy of the dream shed a few ideas.
1. Stop and look at a map. Follow the direction to the house
2. Ask someone who lives there the way to the house
3. Trace back your steps and find out where you got off the right ways
4. Understand the numbering pattern and use it to find the house
5. Continue running around in the hope that you will find the house eventually

In the next few days I would like to explore just how I can use each of these ideas practically and see whether I get back.

Did I mention I lost some of the staff I bought while running around?

Do they still employ you once you get to 40?

2010-04-14T21:52:00.002+03:00

Tom is out of work again. This time he has been out since January.

Does anyone out there know what I can do to keep him busy? He is now 40. I have no clue what they spend their time doing at this age.

However this is like the best thing that could have happened to Wayne. They now spend their time bonding and it is going on very well. Really quantity time is also important for the children.

I must blog...I must blog...I must blog....

2009-09-07T14:32:00.000+03:00

I am a fiercly private person. So much so that I will not be subscribing to any of these social internet sights anytime soon.

This sometimes leads me to hold back on something that I really enjoy doing - writing. I fear if I bare my soul to all, people might come to actually know me - and then try to know me better aagh!

I think I choose my friends very rigorously, and that I try not to be a busy body in their lives. I appreciate the same and that is probably why my circle of friends has not stretched that much. However, I am percieved as a people person - because I actually love people and I enjoy finding out what makes them tick - what makes one person different from another....

I have to struggle and work on my passion....I must continue to write this blog. I need to do this.

Is my star shining?

2008-09-11T14:05:00.000+03:00

I don't believe in stars or astrology.

The title of this blog is simply to use the phrase as commonly understood that things are going well and not as a confession of belief.

That having been said, I have today been given a promotion to a new job. It is big. It is exciting and most of all it is a little scary. I can't deny that I have always felt I was meant for big things. But so do the tea girl and the office cleaner. I just never expected it to feel this way. I prayed the whole night and woke up this morning with the realisation that I can pull it off. All I have to do is rely on Jehovah to give me wisdom to do this.

My boss has expressed his confidence in my ability to handle. And that means a lot right now. Tom is very excited for me. I can't wait to tell my mother. I think she will not be impressed. She still has this dream about me being a teacher somewhere at a girls school in Nyakach (Tom's home and also home to the large Omieri snake).

And I think all my gals will be happy for me.

So, today my 'star' is shining :-)

I was never meant to have Kids

2008-09-05T08:26:00.000+03:00

I am convinced I was never meant to have kids of my own.

I have been convinced of the same ever since I discovered I am a woman and that I can actually bring children into the world. I remember Camilla asking me if I meant I would never be married. That was back in the early 90's when I declared for the umpteenth time 'I never intend to have children'. To me marriage and children were not even remotely related (anyone feel the same?) Of cause I was branded controversial and everybody still sympathises with me when I tell them I ave been married 9 years and we don't have kids! They 'comfort' me and say God will give me Kids in his own time.

Well, God has now given me a kid!

I just inherited 6 year old Wayne from my sister-in-law who died in July. We have now had him for ourselves for one week and so far....I was never meant to have kids!

I hope I survive this one. I am open for advise on how to get a 6 year old to go to bed at 8 pm and wake up at 6.30 am. The school is behind our house (literally)

Guys....please heeeelp!

Moja na Moja ni Moja

2008-07-26T09:59:00.000+03:00

For those who understand Swahili, the title of my post will make some sense. In loose translation it means one plus one is one.

This was the title of a song a friend of mine wrote for me recently. I have since discovered Tom and myself inspire a lot of songs!

Richnelle and Thamar were not known to us 3 months ago. They walked into our lives early June literally from the rain! They stayed with us for a few days and in that short time we made life long friends.

Richnelle is the most amazing fellow. He originally comes from Curacao a small island off the coast of Venezuela. It is one of around 3 islands formerly under Netherlands colony making him effectively Dutch. So they now live in Amsterdam. Richnelle was a confirmed bachelor until he met Thamar. The rest as they say is history. What was so remarkable about him was his ability to make music. Even the slightest sound inspired what he called 'a melody' in his head. Then he would quickly grab for a piece of paper to write it down or his voice recorder and literally hum into it.

So daily he hums and sings and mentally makes music. And he wrote a song for me and Tom!

We had a small party and he unveiled the song in the most unexpected way! Oh dear we had a good laugh about that. So now I have a melody stuck in my mind 'moja na moja ni moja'

Richnelle and Thamar, we dearly love you!

Found the cable!

2008-07-26T09:29:00.000+03:00

I have not blogged for over one year.

Then suddenly this morning i got the urge to say something. Funny thing is that I could not remember the title of my blog page :-). I had to trace back a comment I had made on Liz's' blog some months back and then search for my profile. At least I remembered when I made the comment!

So at last I can say something of what I have been holding back!

Another reason why I stopped blogging was that I discovered many people got my email address of the blog and sent me lots of 'spam'. So today I realised I can actually block my profile and then enjoy some level of privacy. For me, that's very important.

Mental Blog (Block)

2007-01-22T17:16:00.000+03:00

The conversation went something like this:

Liz Mwambui: your blog has not been updated!

tabbu: I know...so today i wondered whether i can get a secretary....i get such great thoughts in my head then transcribing them becomes so hard for me....

tabbu: so i am blogging mentally...wish there was a cable i could fix on my head to transfer the info....know of any?

It has finally become clear to me what my problem is....yes i did find the reason but i guess i find it hard to share this reason. So this of cause calls for a resolution...if i can get to share it with you...

And of cause the conversation went on:

Liz Mwambui: that's a great entry right there. cut and paste

tabbu: you are right...

tabbu: now if only i can remember my password to post it.....

Liz Mwambui: you can't be helped!

So guys i must then dedicate today's post to Liz. Thanks for helping me post today and unblocking both my mind and my password (of cause i have reset it to something like 'my mother is mad' so that i don't forget it)

And hey, if you come across that kind of cable, please let me know...there is no telling when i will next download into this site.....

New year, Old Feelings

2007-01-04T07:42:00.000+03:00

This new year thing has totally no effect in my life except to remind me of the many things I would like to change.

1. My Job: I am totally bored of doing the same thing every year for the past three years. This is the longest i have ever stayed in one company and that should explain the itch! But at my age, I am not sure I want to go through another bout of interviews - have you noticed the age limit in most job ads is between 25 and 30 years - with some young things also wanting the same job.
2. My house: I also do change houses very often and this 2 1/2 years in one house is more than enough - especially since TOM has gone off and brought his younger sister to live with us - I actually hate going home and I believe he does to - That may explain the fact that he hardly gets home before 9 am everyday!
3. My Life: Currently not going according to plan. At this age I should be the CEO of my very own company - that was the plan - but i am just a cog in the wheel of some huge conglomerate. Nobody even notices when i am not around! In other words I have become redundant.

I will try to think about bigger world problems in order to forget about my mundane matters. Yes! I must focus on world hunger, world peace, environmental degradation , violence in the homes, and any other thing that does not concern my existence. That way I hope to find that my life is really not that bad. (does it really work?)

But hey, I am glad i am alive - that counts for something you know....at least I still have he opportunity to ignore my boss and to boss around my team...what better thing can one ask for!

I wish you all a better year. This to me is the year for making changes.

Password Madness and a Wedding

2006-12-20T12:27:00.000+03:00

I can't believe I could not remember my password just after one post! Went through some really tech things (naturally Google) to try and recover the same. Was thrown off by the request to update my user name....(same request i get multiple times daily)

I work for such a system oriented company that on an average day I have to use at least ten different systems, each with a different password. Explains why I just could not log on today! Hope I remember it tomorrow and thereafter.

The lady who brings us lunch has gone off for Christmas and since we work down by the docks, it is impossible to get any place to eat around here...I starved on Monday and yesterday. Today I got me some packed lunch.

Moniqque (My younger sister - I just need to work on not calling her my small sis...she turned 32 in March) just introduce me to Fuchsia - rgb (249, 132, 229). I still need to see what it really looks like. She thinks Lisa (my other sister - older) should have it as her 'accent color' (???) Lisa will be tying the knot on 29th this month. She does not want a big do so Moniqque and myself have made it our business to do a big do....(is that English?)

Anyway, I am happy for her (and for the excuse of having a party) and so flowers and cake MUST feature in there somewhere!

Why?

2006-12-05T18:12:00.000+03:00

I honestly dont know why i chose to blog. but I do have a lot to say. Since Tom has called already, i must run and pick him up.